all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
