he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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