and you said cock pushups were impossible
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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