i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
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