I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He kissed a someone with a penis
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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