tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
ugly people sure do ruin things
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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