im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
