My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
