So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize