Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I love you.
Bad choice
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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