Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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