Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
