I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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