just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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