6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
