ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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