I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
