mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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