Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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