You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
