so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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