I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize