found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
