At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
