I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
