hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
