There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize