i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
