Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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