I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
