if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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