i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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