I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
