I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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