i just wanna soil my oats bro
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
