Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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