And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
