Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
