Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
