so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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