I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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