I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
