yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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