Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
