im six kinds of drunk right now
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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