I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How external is "for external use only"?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
