The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I won't apologize to a one balled man
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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