I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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