It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
