how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
