I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
