Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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