There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
