Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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