Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
