Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
