A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
