I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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