She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
