You just made me feel so damn special
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
