can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
