I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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