i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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