You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
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She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty