the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
