If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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