If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
