the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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