He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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