Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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