Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
