Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have aggressive nipples.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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