I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
