OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
