just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
