I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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