nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
