I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
