you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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